I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize