This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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