This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
