the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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