i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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