i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
