I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
