My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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