I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
