Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
