u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
