that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
