How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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