why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
