im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
