he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
