oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
