My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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