Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
