thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
