He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
