Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
