from now on my penis is your penis
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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