You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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