oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
