I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
pray to the hookup gods
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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