went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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