Have you finally orgasmed yet?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
pray to the hookup gods
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
