Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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