Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
