I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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