I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
