I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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