I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
