I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Are we still banned from the library?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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