is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
