i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
