i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
