and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize