dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
