I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
