I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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