forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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