need another drink. this is the easiest way
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
