my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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