and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
