I love black thongs
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
