I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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