i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
