I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
