the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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