So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
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Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
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THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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