FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
