I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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