I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
