think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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