I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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