we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
