I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
