He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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