Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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