He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
the raccoons are back...
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