It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
