There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
