i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
