im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
