the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
