I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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