You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
