Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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