I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We have started to decorate penises.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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