grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize
