Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
