If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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