Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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