Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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