First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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