tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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